Skip to main content

A Friendship Breakup that Changed Me!


I try to put it in the back of my mind, but it still decides to bother me in quiet times.

The laughs…

The secrets exchanged…

The tears that came…

The bond that was created…

You can probably identify with the feeling of heartbreak. Whether it was an innocent grade school crush who didn’t share her notebooks with you or a passionate love affair that went up in flames, chances are we’ve all been there at least once. We write books and poems about it, watch movies, and listen to songs, all so that we can feel less alone and be reassured that other people have been through it too and somehow survived to tell the tale.

But there’s another kind of heartbreak that we rarely turn our attention to. The movies are harder to find, the books aren’t any best sellers, and there are no Spotify playlists dedicated to mourning these losses. This is funny because these are supposed to be the relationships that stick around the longest.

Why is that? Why do we universally understand romantic heartbreak to be akin to an actual physical wound, but the heartbreak that comes with platonic loss is swept under the rug, almost entirely disregarded? I don't propose I have the answers to these questions, I just feel I am not the only one who is wondering about them.

Friend break-up is not as light and easy to cope with as it sounds. If you have ever been through one, you’d know!

We met on the first day of graduation. I don’t remember who was the lecturer, who else was sitting at the table, or whom did I talk to, but I remember meeting her. I saw the gentle look in her eyes and heard the rudeness in her voice and knew that I felt an immediate connection to her. And that was it. I had found my best friend. Although, she never liked the word “best friend” neither did she quote us as one.

It wasn’t the gradual kind of friendship where you learn a little more about each other every time you meet, slowly picking up morsels and eventually becoming closer and closer. It happened all of a sudden, all at once, starting on that day. We spent the next four years doing everything together. Through all ups and downs, thick and thin, we were there trying to prove the world wrong.

I had always dreamt about a friendship like this. It felt like I had finally found my person, the one that would always have my back. I imagined us being each other’s bridesmaids and bringing our babies together for playdates. It was years of having a constant companion, of feeling protected and protective all the time, of never being lonely or alone.

But, as we all know, life happens. In every relationship, there are tests, some big and some small. We just happened to have one big one. It's been 734 days that I have “not talked” to the only friend I had.

"I understand that the closeness she shared with me was a disguise for survival".

It was a quiet kind of heartbreak. It wasn’t triggered by a fight or an unpleasant exchange of words, nor was it realized in one single moment like the sudden recollection of a phrase that had been on the tip of your tongue. It crept up on me, small and subtle, and stayed and grew bigger and bigger until the memories of our old friendship felt further and further away. 

We talked less and when we did there were pauses in the conversation that didn’t use to be there. We stopped telling each other the little details, and then slowly the big ones too. When we met for the last time, we weren’t as content just doing nothing together. And so, slowly, it faded.

We still text each other happy birthday every year. People still give examples of the bond we shared, and tell tales of the friendship we had. But there’s a pang in my heart every time I hear from her. Because I don’t know if her favorite food has changed, what makes her laugh anymore, or whether she still snores while she laughs. 

And because I want to tell her the truth. The truth is that this has been harder to get over than any romantic relationship. The truth is she was a part of my vision for my future life and now she’s not even on my list of people to text in a crisis. The truth is, this heartbreak is just as real as the kind that ends up in movies.

But I’ve learned, as we all do, that not all friends are forever. It doesn’t make them any less important or influential, and it doesn’t invalidate the memories we have of them. They will always be a special part of our history because they helped shape us into who we are today. And life is meant to be lived through experiencing many different people who will all help shape you and grow with you. 

Whether you lost each other because of distance, a fight, miscommunication, or just the passing of time, don’t worry- with time you’ll heal and if not then talk about it because I know the pain is unbearable.

“Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time, we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.”

— Ally Condie

P.S. It was important for me to write this and get it out of my system so that I can start fresh and can move on from this break-up. I want to regain the lost trust in friendships, joy, and inner self that was lost in between these years of coping. 


Comments

  1. "Not all friends are forever"- is a lesson that we have to learn the hard way....hope you get the courage to overcome this

    ReplyDelete
  2. Also, you beautifully depicted the emotions

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A DINNER WITH MY DEMON

You don't know me, so what I have to say might not be important to you right now. But if you will take just one moment and read my words, it could make a difference to you. Just give it a try. "A piece of advice," my Father once said, "I don't know why you are so insecure and insensitive. Really. You have so much going for you and somehow, you fail to see it. You always act like a lost little puppy, too scared to be free. Talking to your inner-self." He continued with his monologue for an hour. Thinking back to the times when I exhibited signs of how little I valued myself, although I wasn't quite aware at the time but I was extremely introvert and shy too. Layered with low confidence, these three personality traits, without doubt, create a rather disadvantageous alignment in anyone's stars. I spend my days alone with a book and a cup of coffee in my hand and dreaming of the 'could-be' life.  Something needs to be done, I ...

THE UNPLEASING SELF

  We’ve all had that friend that’s says “You should stand up for yourself”, or maybe you’re that friend. Either way, what does it actually mean? Does it mean fighting back and acting tough? Does it mean you should always share your truth?   “I aim to please. It’s okay, no worries. Please don’t worry, it’s no big deal.” These are some things I’ve said when interacting with others. The truth was that it wasn’t okay, and it was inconveniencing me.  I could never voice this to people. What if they didn’t like me? Growing up I learned to be polite and to respect my elders, so I considered it rude to tell someone that what they are asking for or what they are doing is actually not okay. I also didn’t want to create any unnecessary problems or conflict.   As we grow wiser, the way we stand up for ourselves starts flourishing from our own values. Those values may change over time. But whatever they are, they’re all valid because they come from your own value s...

The Pursuit of Happy-ness

"In every shining moment of happiness is that drop of poison: the knowledge that pain will come again." ~Albus Dumbledore The title of this piece has been taken from book/movie of the same name. To those who don't know about it, highly recommended.  Here I am. Once again writing about something that has been on my mind since forever and once again failing miserably to do justice to it. :/ Image Courtesy: ScoopWhoop "The pursuit of happy-ness" For as long as I can remember, I've thought that happiness,  true happiness, when it comes, would be the one where nothing, not a single thread of sorrow  would hold me back.  That true happiness meant only delight in your heart with no sign of despair. That my 'truly happy' would be where every ounce of anguish would be erased from my life, even if just for a short while.  And for as long as I can remember, I've looked forward to it. I've awaited my moment of  complete and unadulterated bliss. Awaited i...