"In every shining moment of happiness is that drop of poison: the knowledge that pain will come again."

~Albus Dumbledore

The title of this piece has been taken from book/movie of the same name. To those who don't know about it, highly recommended. 

Here I am. Once again writing about something that has been on my mind since forever and once again failing miserably to do justice to it. :/

Image Courtesy: ScoopWhoop

"The pursuit of happy-ness"

For as long as I can remember,

I've thought that happiness, 

true happiness, when it comes,

would be the one

where nothing, not a single

thread of sorrow 

would hold me back. 

That true happiness meant

only delight in your heart

with no sign of despair.

That my 'truly happy'

would be where every

ounce of anguish would be

erased from my life,

even if just for a short while. 

And for as long as I can remember,

I've looked forward to it.

I've awaited my moment of 

complete and unadulterated bliss.

Awaited it like,

everytime I'd be happy,

a small corner of my heart

would drift off to what ifs.

What if this too could have been accomplished?

Oh! If only that hadn't happened,

this moment could have been so much more wholesome.

I used to think that no matter who we are

or what we have done, 

we all deserve a moment like that 

even if just once in our lives. 

That we owe it to ourselves. 

To the little human that 

resides inside all of us. 

And that has perhaps, 

dampened what those moments

could actually have been.

I've waited for it. 

I've cried dreaming for it.

I've yearned for it, worked for it

and even prayed for it.

And yet, it seems like

all I've done is find more 

reasons to crib over.

Do people who say things like,

"live in the moment" actually do it?

Or are they just preachy?

And if it's so easy 

for a drop of misery to rain 

over all of our sunshine

then why does even an ocean 

of happiness fall short

to make up for the sorrows?

Maybe, it's not possible

for them to not coexist.

Maybe, happiness isn't absence

of sorrow but rather

acceptance of it.

Maybe, feeling it inside

your bones is just a side effect

and happiness isn't 

necessarily meant for that.

Maybe, happiness is just a way 

to make us anticipate what

could be waiting on

the other end of the tunnel

so we can be daring enough

to walk through it.

Maybe, as Chris Gardner would say,

"Happiness is something we can 

only pursue and never actually have it."